Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Annual Berry Reunion (for Famke - and Milla, too!)

Correction: In an earlier version of this post, I said that my granddad spoke with Milla Jovovich. Actually, it was Famke Janssen. Milla starred in the movie; Famke wrote/directed it. Granddad said they're both lovely and talented.

This poem is dedicated to Famke Janssen.

Well, let me explain.

My granddad, a retired Colonel turned actor, recently worked with Famke in an upcoming movie. Somehow, the subject of grandchildren came up. (On a wild hunch, I'm thinking Granddad initiated the topic.) In the conversation that followed, Granddad mentioned that I often compose poems about fruit.

"What's your favorite fruit?" he asked Famke.

After some thought, she replied, "Blueberries."

Showing great faith in my rhyming ability, Granddad promised Famke I'd write her a poem about blueberries. So as not to discriminate, I decided to include all berries. I can only hope Famke doesn't mind berry much. (You knew that was coming...)

The Annual Berry Reunion

At the annual Berry reunion,
Things quickly got into a jam –
Cousin Straw said that she’d bring a shortcake,
But she showed up with biscuits and ham.
Uncle Blue baked a fine plate of muffins,
But they just couldn’t brighten his mood.
He sat in a corner, quite sullen,
While Auntie Goose gobbled his food.
Sister Black spent the whole event texting,
And wouldn’t get off of her phone.
“What’s wrong with all our young Berries today?”
She caused Grandpa Elder to moan.
Grandma Cran denounced the location:
"This should have been held in a bog!"
Her cries of complaint were only drowned out
By the yowls of Pa Huckle’s hound dog.
Father Rasp did his best to deliver a prayer,
But a cold made his voice much too hoarse.
In the time that it took him to wheeze out,"Amen!"
Fruit flies polished off the first course.
In the end, every Berry was sour,
And decided that, in years ahead,
They’d skip the traditional picnic
And go apple picking instead.
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